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16 May 2010 @ 06:00 pm
[Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6  

Chapter 6: Emptiness

 

The first 3 weeks after Kazuya left

 

Jin was devastated completely and he reached a state where he couldn’t eat, sleep or do anything at all except searching everywhere for his cousin. He tried everywhere he thought about, he even tried calling him, but the number was disconnected. He tried to win his way with a girl to get information from the train station if his cousin was ever in any train, but nothing seems to work out at all. He tried to get information from his parents as well, but he didn’t succeed or they weren’t lying when they said that they honestly didn’t know.

However, that never stopped him from looking for his younger lover. He was dying to see him and nothing could stop him from doing so when he finds him. He wanted them back no matter what or more like he wanted Kazuya back. He wasn’t used to the absence of Kazuya in his life. They never were parted before. They spent their whole life together in each other’s houses and the last 3 years, they were closer than ever, so this situation was killing him. But the idea of finding Kazuya soon and going to get him back was the only thing that kept him going little longer. After 1 week from Kazuya leaving his side, Jin would spend half of his days outside searching and looking for him while the other half would be spent on his bed where Kazuya’s scent was filling and calming his senses. He would start to remember their childhood and how they spent all their holidays together and celebrated all occasions with each other, so this……this emptiness of not having Kazuya by his side was killing him slowly making wild and negative thoughts creep  into his mind and heart. He was scared almost freaked out because he doesn’t know anymore how his lover is doing or what is he doing. He hated not having Kazuya by his side and what scared him the most is not being there for his Kazu when he needs him. The thought alone made his heart throb in sharp pain.

Currently, 3 weeks has passed already and Jin still has no idea where Kazuya is. He was slowly going insane where all of a sudden anger will fill him like no tomorrow and he would start throwing things around and destroying everything in his vision. Kazuya’s scent had almost faded from his sheets and his room and he hated that fact. It made him realize that Kazuya was almost out from his life and the mere thought scared the shit out of him. He was hospitalized couple of times for not eating or sleeping. He stopped sleeping once Kazuya’s scent faded away and that was when his nightmares started.   He also stopped going to school and his health condition made the topic slide away from his parents’ side. They were very worried and it killed them seeing their son in that state. Hiromi would always wake up in the middle of the night from hearing Jin screams and sobs. It broke her heart how her son was suffering and crying even during his sleep which made him stop sleeping after a while; however, Reyoma was forcing him to take sleeping pills so that he will sleep and not die on them from exhaustion. He even didn’t allow Jin to go out anymore which Jin couldn’t say or fight on so much since he had no power or energy to do so. 

Jin nightmares were adding so much pain on him that he reached a point where he can’t take it anymore. He would always see Kazuya been taken away from him and no matter what happens or how much he ran after him, he could never reach him. Slowly, Jin started to give up on his dream of meeting Kazuya soon, he knew it won’t happen.

 It was another night when Jin was crying his heart out while sleeping after his dad held him in a forced manner and pushed the sleeping pill into his mouth. Hiromi woke up and went to Jin’s room trying to calm him although Reyoma warned her not wake Jin up because he doesn’t want to force him to take another sleeping pill in one night. Once Hiromi stepped inside Jin’s room her heart clenched in sharp pain from the sight of her son crying and trying to fight whatever he is dreaming about by fidgeting around the bed. She went closer to the bed and started to touch her son hair to soothe him, but he never stopped fidgeting and it didn’t seem to make him feel better at all. She started hearing Jin talking in a scared hoarse tone “please don’t take him” and “please don’t leave me!”. He ended up calling Kazuya’s name like a mantra as if he was looking for him and it made Hiromi in more pain that her tears started to fall. She started to doubt if what they did was the right thing because it definitely destroyed her son completely, but she figured he will be able to stand up again and move on soon. She hoped for the last thought to truly happen because she wouldn’t know what to do if she kept seeing her son suffer like this for a long time. Still, she can’t say that the thought of her son with her nephew together is something she doesn’t even want to think about because she believes it’s immoral whether they love each other or not. 

Hiromi crawl back to the bed crying and Reyoma hugged her tightly trying to calm her down.

Hiromi: What went wrong Reyoma? Is it our fault? Did we do something wrong to deserve this?   

Reyoma: Baby, don’t say that! I don’t know how this all happened, but we will be able to go through this! Everything will be alright!

 

The next day, Hiromi got a call from Naomi which made her happier, but little shocked from the news. She didn’t know if she’s supposed to tell Jin about this or not, but she thought she needed to talk to her son about all of this. He truly has to move on or at least continue his life and go back to school.

Jin was laying on his bed, his mind on a different place. Hiromi knocked on the door and came to sit beside her son who didn’t notice anything. Jin was too occupied with his thoughts, his dark thoughts and he started to imagine Kazuya to calm himself and forget all about whatever he was thinking about.

Hiromi touched Jin’s shoulder which made Jin flinch and gaze at her in surprise.

Hiromi: Jin! Are you ok?

Jin: *with a hoarse voice and upset tone* I can’t believe you’re asking me this question!

Hiromi: *diverted her attention away from her son accusing eyes* Will you talk to me about it?

Jin: Why?

Hiromi: *she gulps* can’t you tell me what happened? How all this started?

Jin: ………

Hiromi thought she was finally ready to hear her son, about him and his relationship with her nephew.

Hiromi: I just want to know what did we do wrong that you had to look at your cousin instead of nor—

Jin: Wrong? I didn’t do anything wrong!

Hiromi: After all this Jin, you still think that you didn’t do anything wrong! You think that loving your cousin and being with him in that kind of relation isn’t immoral?

Jin: *his heart clench in deep pain, but covered it up* Unfortunately, I don’t feel anything from what you said!

Hiromi: *little upset on how indifference her son is* so, you don’t feel guilty at all!

Jin: *in sarcastic tone* Oh believe me, I do feel guilty! I feel guilty on how we got caught and that we weren’t careful enough! My most regret is not being able to run away with Kazu before all of this happen!

Hiromi: For God sake Jin! I want you to move on, they moved on as well as Kazuya, why can’t you?

Jin: *flinch from the mention of his lover* how do you know he moved on? Don’t talk like you know everything! You know nothing about me or him!

Hiromi: I’m your mother! Of course, I know you more than anyone el—

Jin: Spare me this talk please! You know nothing about me! Only Kazu knows about me and no one else. You want us to talk so bad! Why did you take him away from me? What is it that you hate so much in our relation!

Hiromi: I hate everything in your relation! You’re both guys and you are blood related! It’s immoral and against all our beliefs!

Jin: Well, get used to it because I’m not having someone else in my life! I told you before that I tried everything I can, but Kazu is the only one for me as I’m the only one for him.

Hiromi: Jin! If you’re…gay….you could date guys….we doesn’t like the idea, but we will get used to it! However, Kazuya is not an option! God Jin, he was just a kid! You might be mistaken his feelings for you and you th—

Jin: Don’t even start! I don’t want to hear any shit like that! Kazu loves me and I love him! You, dad, aunt and uncle are the ones who have to move on and get used to this fact! Nothing you do will change that fact!

Hiromi: *frustrated* Why him? Why Kazuya? I just can’t see your point Jin! I can’t see that love and I can’t agree to this no matter what! He’s my nephew you know! I just can’t imagine my son and my nephew together like that! It’s sick and twisted!

Jin: It happened mom, whether you want to deny it or not! It was true, we were dating and we love each other so much. We always felt something else than sibling love and 3 years ago, we finally took our relation to another level.

Hiromi: JIN!

Jin: I kissed him, touched him, caressed him and made love to him so many times!

Hiromi: Stop it! I don’t want to hear anymore!

Jin: Why? You were the one asking for me to talk! So you have to let me talk! We did everything lovers do including what you do with dad, so don’t assume that we are kids who just like the idea of love and indulged ourselves in it.

Hiromi: Can’t it be a normal girl? Or a guy?

Jin: Kazuya is normal thank you very much! NO! It can’t be anyone but Kazu!

Hiromi: But Kazuya left Jin! He’s not here anymore! Will you just stay like this forever?

Jin: He didn’t leave me! You all took him away by force!

Hiromi: But, he’s not here anymore Jin! You can’t stay lifeless like this! You have to eat, sleep and go back to school. You have to live your normal life again!

Jin: My normal life is having Kazu beside me, that’s how my normal life is! I can’t just….*diverts his eyes to look downward* I can’t live without him mom! I want him back! Please tell my aunt and uncle to come back, please! 

Hiromi: *the sight of her son begging her made her heart and chest clench in pain* Sorry, but they won’t be coming back again Jin!

Jin: What do you mean they’re not coming back again?

Hiromi: *shakes her head* Nothing!

Jin: *adrenaline rushes in his system* Just tell me! Did you talk to them? Where are they?

Hiromi: *in hesitation* they’re not here anymore! They left the country!

Jin: *froze from shock* where did they go?

Hiromi: *sighs* I don’t know! Naomi didn’t tell me the country, but all she said was they left the country!

Jin started to tremble and soon tears were falling from his eyes uncontrolled. Hiromi noticed and hugged her son tightly.

Hiromi: I’m sorry Jin! I wasn’t planning to tell you, but I just…. I don’t know what to do anymore!

Jin: …….

Jin went silence till Hiromi left him alone at the end. His thoughts were that his dreams came true and Kazu was taken away, far away from him. He won’t be able to catch up to him and it seems like his uncle and aunt isn’t even considering going back here again, ever again. He started to cry out of frustration! He still can’t believe that everything is shattered like that. Now, there is just no way he can find Kazu and there is no way his parents are going to allow him to go abroad anyway. He is still a minor and so is Kazu; therefore, he won’t be seeing his Kazu any time soon. He might even not see him in his whole life. Now that he remember what his uncle said, he warned him not to get close to Kazuya again or he won’t be seeing him again for his whole life and it came true.

Jin was in deep shock and started to throw everything he saw next to him while crying loudly and yelling “WHY???” and “NO!!!”. Once Reyoma came to the house, he saw Hiromi crying her heart out and Jin screaming and loud crash coming from his room. Hiromi told her husband everything that happened and Reyoma told her that Jin will probably calm down later and he did in the end because he collapsed.  

        

After 2 months

 

Jin just had enough from everything. His parents forced him to a therapist who gave him medicine that his father forced him to take. He felt worse every single day. Depression was the only thing that existed in his life. He still didn’t go to school at all and wasn’t planning to go. He lost hope in everything. The one person who understood him the most wasn’t there by his side. The one person he loved so much wasn’t there anymore and he has no idea how or what is he doing. He never heard any news about Kazuya and his mom after that, never told him anything about them again. He felt all alone in this whole world and emptiness that cannot be explained. He wanted Kazuya to be back again so badly that it made him lose all energy and strength and finally, gave up in that idea.

His dad confronted him previously that Kazuya isn’t going back, so he better not wait for him. His uncle and aunt aren’t planning in coming back. His dad told him that he will have to probably wait for 3 years till Kazuya finally become 18 years old; however, he still won’t be able to come because of the money. Jin was replying back what his dad said, all the happy memories that he had with his Kazu and everything was causing him so much pain.

 Kazuya’s smell faded away completely from his sheets and his room. Even the shirt that he had from him and Kazuya was wearing in their last days together didn’t have his smell any longer and was replaced by Jin’s. He couldn’t relax anymore, still couldn’t eat anything and sleep was totally forgotten except when some pills was forced in his throat by his dad or doctor.

Today, Jin decided that he has to change all this and he cannot stand this situation anymore. He was laying on his bed looking around at everything finally deciding this will be the day. He thought if he should leave a note to his parents before leaving and he finally decided to do it. He took a picture of him and Kazu together, both of them were grinning happily in that picture having their arms around each other shoulders. Jin smiled sadly remembering their date when they took that picture together. He pulled all the strength left in him and headed toward the bathroom. He started filling the bathtub with water and Kazuya’s favorite shower gel. He stepped inside and was overwhelmed with the smell that filled his senses. He used Kazuya’s shampoo and relaxed himself in the bathtub. He gazed at the picture which he was holding in his right hand and smiled while brushing his hands gently at Kazuya’s figure.

Jin brought his other hand that was holding a steel blade and looked at the picture again. He inhaled the scent that was filling the bathroom; it felt like Kazuya was there with him. He gazed again at the picture.

Jin: I miss you babe! I miss you my Kazu! I will be waiting for you!

Jin wished inside of him that Kazuya won’t be as weak as him and reach this point. Not knowing how his lover doing or anything about him was the main reason he lost all his will to live anymore. He held the steel blade in the same hand with the picture and started to cut his wrist while hissing in pain. He felt pain, so much pain; however, it was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling inside of his heart. He made sure to cut a vein and it started to bleed so badly. He put his hand inside of the bathtub where the water color soon changed to red. He felt that he was losing his senses and the surroundings were spinning for him. He brought the picture close to his eyes range and kept gazing at it. He wanted to leave this world while seeing his lover one more time, but seeing this picture will have to do for now. His Kazu looked so cute, sweet and happy. Something he wants to always remember. Soon, he couldn’t see anything as blackness and numbness crept into his system.    

 

Hiromi decided to go and ask her son to have lunch although she knew it was pointless, but she never gave up. She went to the room and didn’t see Jin anywhere, but she knew he was probably in the bathroom.

She decided to arrange his bed and his stuff. She noticed the shirt that never left Jin’s side while sleeping. She already knew it was Kazuya’s because the size was definitely not her son’s. She noticed that Jin would sometimes wear it especially when going to sleep. She still can’t believe that he lost weight that bad that he was as thin as Kazuya was.

She noticed a note in the table next to the bed and unknown to her why, her heart started to beat uncontrolled.

 

Dear Mom and Dad

I’m not sorry for doing what I did and I don’t take back my hate for you. I’m just sorry that I wasn’t understood by my own parents because you’re supposed to be the closest to me. I still can’t forgive you for taking Kazuya away from me and I don’t think I’ll ever can.

You along with uncle and aunt ruined my life and his and I can’t forgive you for that. I’m already dead without him so I’m just putting my body to rest since my heart was already crushed from the day he was taken away.

I wish you along with uncle and aunt a miserable life for eternity!

 

Jin

 

Hiromi cried her heart out reading those lines and harsh words. She could understand how bitter his son over everything that happened, but it still hurt her like hell to read such things which was written by Jin. She froze all of a sudden when she registered the meaning behind this note. She looked at the bathroom door and rushed over to knock and call out Jin’s name, but without any answer. She started to freak out and yelled Reyoma’s name till her husband finally rushed into the room.

Reyoma: *panting heavily* what’s wrong?  

 Hiromi: *crying* break the bathroom door! It’s Jin! He did something to himself!

And Reyoma did and after so many tries, the door was finally broken and they entered the bathroom to freeze from the sight. They saw a bathtub filled with blood, but no Jin. Reyoma was screaming at Hiromi to call the emergency, but she lost consciences from the smell and the sight of blood while Reyoma panicked. He picked his wife and placed her on Jin’s bed while calling the emergency. He went back to the bathroom and finally gathered all his courage and strength and started walking toward the bathtub while tears are falling silently and his lips calling “Jin”.

He pushed his hand in the bathtub and pulled his son and the sight made him shiver and cry loudly. He has lost Jin!

 

Chapter 7: The Ugly Truth

 
 
 
ClarieWinchesterakameangel on May 16th, 2010 02:09 pm (UTC)
My spot!!!! Run off to read.
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC)
Wow! You're fast! Hehehehehe~~
*gives u choco* for being FIRST! :D
(no subject) - akameangel on May 16th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - garnet_light on May 16th, 2010 02:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
dontstopmoredontstopmore on May 16th, 2010 02:20 pm (UTC)
noooooooooooo he's not deadddddd~
i wontttt accept itttt!
i'm sure he's stil alive D=
he'd better be!!!! >.<
and of course they are doin the wrong thing.look at their son! how can they still think its the right thingg!!
long time since you updated ne!
looking forward to the next update!
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
Awwwwwwwww~~
Well, just wait and see if he is or not ne~~
Yes, they're doing the wrong thing! They even made their son reach a point where he just wanted to die!
Yes, it's been a long time >.<
I'm still busy with a lot of projects, but I thought of at least updating this! I want to finish this fic soon so that I can go back to updating the old ones ne~~

Thanks a lot for reading sweetie *hugs*
imangelofmusicimangelofmusic on May 16th, 2010 02:23 pm (UTC)
HE IS SO NOT DEAD! Ö.Ö WAAAAAAA!!!!! great!!
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 02:27 pm (UTC)
Wait and see ne~~
I'm glad you found it great though! ^^
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 02:27 pm (UTC)
Indeed >.<
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting dear! ^^
The Rinamonstersnowing_inside on May 16th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
*sniffle*
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
Awww sweetie~~
Just keep the faith ne~~
You will know what happened in the coming updates!
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! ^^
(Deleted comment)
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
Awwwwww >_<
Sorry for making you cry!
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! *hugs*
annabella1988annabella1988 on May 16th, 2010 03:35 pm (UTC)
eh? you did not kill Jin right? OMG! please, dont kill Jin...T_T
thanks for updating~ i love it, but...it make me heartbroke..
gambate for the next~ will be waiting T_T
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 04:10 pm (UTC)
Awww sweetie~~
I'm sorry >_<
Just wait and see what happens ne~~
I'm glad you love it, but I know it is heart breaking ne X_X

Thanks a lot for reading and commenting sweetie! *hugs u tight*
tifanijatifanija on May 16th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
Poor Jin.It was very good chapter,thank you.
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
Yup! Poor him ne~~
I'm glad you think so ^^
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! *hugs*
johnnys_heirjonnys_heir on May 16th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
NO! This is so heartbreaking!!
I still hope it'll be happy ending. Ne???
Garnetgarnet_light on May 16th, 2010 07:26 pm (UTC)
Sorry for ruining your mood ne~~
Just keep the faith that it might end happily since I still can't promise you that!
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! ^^
Puriiii~ueda_fangirl on May 16th, 2010 07:59 pm (UTC)
fuck. even if its a fic, sounds so real for me cos well yeah i have depressions too so i understand how jin feels its a horrible feeling =[
but jin is realli dead? but how would kazu feel if jin never ever coming back =[

update soon please?
Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 04:51 am (UTC)
Indeed! We all have depressions, but sometimes it's just too much to take ne~~
It's really a horrible feeling! Well, you will get to know more about this in the next chapters ne~~

I will try my best to update soon ^^
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting sweetie~
Chuuuuuuuuuu~~
(no subject) - ueda_fangirl on May 17th, 2010 07:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - garnet_light on May 17th, 2010 09:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
[Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - ueda_fangirl on May 17th, 2010 11:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - garnet_light on May 17th, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - ueda_fangirl on May 17th, 2010 10:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - garnet_light on May 18th, 2010 12:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - ueda_fangirl on May 18th, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - garnet_light on May 21st, 2010 07:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: [Fic] Forbidden Love - Ch6 - ueda_fangirl on May 21st, 2010 11:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
AkaVickyakavicky on May 16th, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)
God! I was almost crying while reading!!!
It's soooo sad!
He will survive right? Please say they wil be together someday *begging*

Please update soon or I'll go insane*cry*
Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 04:54 am (UTC)
Sorry for that, but it's indeed very sad ne~
I could only tell you to wait for the next chapters to know more about this!! ^^

I will try my best to update soon, so don't go insane yet! LOL!
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting dear *hugs*
lost_sky6lost_sky6 on May 16th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
No Jin!! >.< He's suffering too much ;_; But he isn't died right? I refuse to believe he is! >.<

Can't wait to read more!! Hope you update soon!
Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 05:30 am (UTC)
Yes he is ne~~
Well, just wait and see! >.<

I will try to update soon ne~~
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting dear! ^^

XOXO
you can always paint the roses redqueen_kat_tun on May 16th, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)
Hey :D
I am really sorry for lagging behind... *sighs*
Anyway, the smut in the previous chapter was very lovely. They did it with all the love they have and it was sweet too. :D And here comes the angst...cruel world, it seems. Poor Jin...he was unable to take all the "bad" things...I wonder how Kazuya will react once he gets to know about what happened to his lover....The parents are quite... >.< But I understand, since Jin and Kazuya are cousins...my, my...this is getting complicated...

Thanks for sharing ^_^v
Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 05:36 am (UTC)
No worries dear! I'm sorry myself for not being able to update frequently like I used to >.<
Life and work are a real bitches sometimes!

I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter! I tried to make it as sweet and lovely as possible since they are very young.

I know! This chapter is too sad ne~~
The problem is things are getting complicated as you mentioned especially because the parents aren't truly at fault....

Let's just hope for the best and see ne~~
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting sweetie~~

Chuuuuuuuuuuuu~~
lorechan15: Akame 2lorechan15 on May 17th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
OH. MY.

I'm speechless. ._.'


This fic is amazing.

Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 05:37 am (UTC)
I hope you wasn't shocked that badly ne~~
But I'm so happy to hear that you find it amazing! ^^
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting! *hugs*
sekkiboosekkiboo on May 17th, 2010 02:18 am (UTC)
uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa f*ck T.T
damn, I want kazu back, tsk i even imagine jin >.<
life is so hopeless and it's so miserable T.T
argh~. why is this suppose to happened?
kazu please come back... I swear jin don't lose hope, okay?
things will get better if u hang in there :D

^^
Garnetgarnet_light on May 17th, 2010 05:39 am (UTC)
Sorry dear >.<
Yeah, Jin kind of like just gave hope in life...
Just wait and see, maybe things won't be that bad ne~~
Thanks a lot for reading and commenting dear! ^^