Chapter11: Maybe….it’s not meant to be….
It’s been 4 months since Jin and Kazuya ran away without looking back. They took the train to another city and from there; they took a bus and another one till they finally reached the city that clicked to them. They rented an apartment there and started living together. They spent the first 2 months going out in dates and making love to each other endlessly. But after the 2 months, Jin started to work because the money they had started to run out. Kazuya tried to work, but no place accepted him without seeing any of his identification cards afraid that he might have a criminal record. Therefore, it was only Jin working while Kazuya took care of the apartment and the chores. It was then that Jin noticed that his Kazuya has changed so much.
Jin: I’m home!
Jin sighed knowing very well why he didn’t receive any answer. He went to the living room and saw Kazuya in a daze looking at the ceiling deep in his thoughts!
Kazuya: *went out of his daze once he heard Jin’s voice* Welcome home Jin!
Jin: What were you doing Kazu?
Jin: You know, you can’t just sit there doing nothing. I even bought a TV so that you will have fun watching your favorite shows.
Kazuya: I don’t like watching TV Jin!
Jin: Not even baseball matches!
Jin: But, you used to like watching them all the time!
Kazuya: I don’t care about that anymore! Why do you keep bringing this topic over and over again?
Jin: Because I feel guilty leaving you alone and knowing you doing nothing except staring at the ceiling sucks! *pouts*
Kazuya: Then, don’t work anymore! You know that I don’t like you leaving me alone! *upset*
Jin: But we need the money Kazu!
Kazuya: We still have money!
Jin: What happens when we don’t have it anymore? We need to prepare ourselves from now!
Kazuya: I don’t care!
Kazuya: Enough about that! What do you want for dinner?
Jin: What do you want to eat?
Kazuya: I don’t feel like eating anything special, so you decide!
Jin: Let’s see what we have! *opens the fridge and notices nothing changed from the morning* Kazu, what did you eat for lunch?
Kazuya: *surprised* I had rice!
Jin: I don’t see any trace for it though!
Kazuya: I just made a small portion for me! Why?
Jin: Why are you lying to me? You didn’t eat anything again, did you?
Kazuya: I didn’t feel like it!
Jin: Kazu! You’re not a kid that needs to be kept reminded about his food!
Kazuya: Stop calling me a kid!! I never told you to remind me about anything!
Jin: But you totally are!
Kazuya: *annoyed* I swear if you continued, you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight!
Jin: *angry* EH! What the hell? I’m just worried about you!
Kazuya: *irritated* Fine! Let me see you just set a foot inside of the bedroom tonight!
But Kazuya went inside the room locking the door and ignoring Jin calling him. Jin sighed deeply. He missed the old Kazuya who was so alive and energetic. His current Kazuya acts sometimes like he’s in deep sleep showing less emotion and acting very cold. Jin didn’t believe a year could change someone like that, but then he can’t blame him for changing because what happened to them wasn’t that easy. The first 2 months for them living together was horrible. They had so much love and fun living together, but once Jin stepped out of the apartment even if it were for 5 minutes; once he returns, Kazuya would be in a very bad shape crying and hugging his knees as if he was abandoned. It was worse after Jin started working because Kazuya wouldn’t stop complaining and trying to make him quit his work. He would throw a tantrum and act wildly against Jin for leaving him. Jin realized that Kazuya still thinks all this might be a dream or believes that he will be abandoned by Jin one day which was annoying Jin because no matter how much he promised Kazuya, he wouldn’t trust him.
Right now, Kazuya was acting as if he was ready for being left alone which was killing Jin inside. He can’t think of a good way to change that or solve this issue Kazuya is facing.
~ Current time ~
Jin: *going to the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Kazuya’s waist* hey babe *kisses him on the neck* what are you cooking?
Kazuya: Pasta! It’s been a long time since we last ate it.
Jin: Yay! It’s been almost 1 month since the last time we ate it!
Kazuya: It’s because I got sick from eating it all the time! Now, I kind of miss its taste *chuckles*
Jin: Great cause I’m really starving!
Kazuya: Go take a shower and it will be ready then!
Jin: Ok, but after I get my kiss! *kisses Kazuya passionately in the lips*
Kazuya turned around deepening the kiss ignoring the pot. They kept kissing for almost 2 minutes without breaking it off for a second; however, they broke it off once breathing was a necessity. They kept looking at each other, lust obvious in their eyes as well as love. Jin was about to kiss Kazuya again, but Kazuya turned away his face.
Kazuya: I can’t let our dinner burn Jin *giggles*
Jin: So not fair! I just want a kiss!
Kazuya: I could see that it won’t be just a kiss!
Kazuya: Babe, after dinner!
Jin: Fine! But right after dinner! You hear me!
Kazuya: *nods while giggling*
Once Kazuya heard the water running, he sunk on the floor panting heavily. His heart beating very fast that it’s causing him a lot of pain. He was very exhausted, he didn’t eat anything for the whole day and he felt out of energy. He didn’t understand what’s happening to him. He would feel soulless the whole day once Jin step out from the apartment and his soul would come back once Jin enters the apartment. He tried so many times to sleep after he finishes the chores when Jin is still working, but it never worked. The same happens when he try to eat, he feel sick and wouldn’t stand the smell of food at all. It was truly bad. But what’s causing him so much pain is when Jin start to talk about their old days and compare him to the old him and complain about how much he changed. Kazuya lost all his confidence that he started to think that Jin is only loving him for the sake of the memory and not the current him. The mere thought caused him so much pain. He wanted to talk with Jin, but he never found the voice when he’s about to. He feels like he’s carrying the world on his shoulders, so many worries and thoughts that keep crawling under his skin killing his insides slowly specially the thought of waking up one day to find Jin gone. He was terrified of the thought.
Jin finished shower and dinner was ready. They started eating while Jin chatted about his work. Kazuya smiled to the enthusiasm Jin had when he talked about his work, but he was feeling pain inside of him. He didn’t understand why, but he guessed it’s probably because he was jealous that he wasn’t there with Jin. When they finished dinner, Jin started washing the dishes not allowing Kazuya to help him and asked him to rest instead.
Kazuya decided to go take a shower, but once he stepped in the bedroom taking his towel, Jin came to him hugging him from behind.
Kazuya: I need to take a shower Jin!
Jin: Nope, you don’t need to! You will take one later!
Kazuya: But I’m sweaty and I—
Jin turned Kazuya around sealing his lips with a kiss. After he broke the kiss, he carried Kazuya in bridal style making Kazuya giggle and threw him on the bed. He started ravishing him with deep kisses making sure to leave many hickeys marking Kazuya his. He always loved to leave kiss marks on Kazuya and Kazuya was the same too because they never were able to do so in the past. Kazuya was especially marking Jin as much as he can in all the places after he heard Jin talking with his workers in the phone. He was afraid that they will snatch Jin away from him, so he left marks in obvious places. He knew they wouldn’t dare come close to him once they see it and Jin never complained about them. In contrary, he was extremely happy about it especially when he finally realized how possessive Kazuya is.
Jin started taking off Kazuya’s clothes kissing and licking all the right places. He started to suck a trail on his way downward till he finally reached Kazuya’s length. He started sucking him focusing on the head making Kazuya pant so harshly. However, Jin noticed Kazuya panting heavily not being able to breathe. Jin started to freak out.
Jin: Kazu babe, what’s wrong? C’mon, take a deep breath!
Kazuya: *gasps heavily for breath*
Jin: *tried to leave the bed, but Kazuya grabbed his hand forcefully* I’ll just bring water Kazuya!
Jin: Babe! Don’t talk, just take a deep breath! I’ll bring you water! *kisses Kazuya on the forehead and pulls Kazuya’s grip from his hand*
Jin ran to the kitchen bringing water and went back immediately to the bedroom. The water glass dropped from his hand once he saw Kazuya closing his eyes and no more gasps is heard. He freaked out and went immediately to Kazuya checking his pulse which was heard. He was relieved, but still freaked out for seeing Kazuya like that. He started putting on his clothes and carried him to the hospital. However, the hospital refused to let him in asking for the insurance card and Kazuya’s health card. Jin lied and said that he forgot it at home and will bring it later, but the hospital was very stubborn not agreeing in checking Kazuya at all. Jin asked them if there was another hospital nearby especially private ones. He finally took him to a private hospital where he had to beg so badly and pay all the money he had in his wallet just for them to do a check up on Kazuya. Jin felt hopeless and useless. He never thought how important Kazuya’s papers and cards until now. What if it happens again? The thought drove him crazy. The doctor told him that Kazuya only suffers from exhaustion and started asking him questions about his food diet and etc. Jin felt very bad because he never was able to force Kazuya to eat, but how will he when he’s out to work. The doctor also told Jin that he won’t be able to accept Kazuya again in the hospital without his medical records. Jin asked him if he can create new one for him, but the price the doctor asked for in order to do so was too much. Jin only paid the medication the doctor prescribed for Kazuya and for some other checkups he made by his credit card that he created once they ran away. Jin carried Kazuya back home noticing that Kazuya started running a fever. Jin kept awake all night using wet towels to cool Kazuya’s body. He blamed himself for running around while Kazuya in his arms in the cold weather. He cursed that hospital in his mind because they were the reason.
~In the morning ~
Kazuya woke up feeling a very bad headache and was shocked to see towels scattered around on his sides. But he felt very happy feeling Jin hands wrapped on his waist. He missed these mornings because after Jin worked, he would rarely be there next to him. Kazuya started to run his hands on Jin’s hair and noticed that Jin started to stir in his sleep. Once Jin woke up, he smiled sweetly at Kazuya and started running his hand on his cheeks.
Jin: Good morning babe~~
Kazuya: *in a weak voice* good morning
Jin: How do you feel?
Kazuya: what happened?
Jin: You freaked me out! You were having difficulty in breathing and were out for good afterwards. I took you to the hospital and they said it was exhaustion. See why I’m always worried and annoying you to eat!!
Kazuya: *feels guilty* sorry
Jin: Just stay in bed for today. I will call work and tell them I’m not going.
Kazuya: *eyes sparkling* Jin~~
Jin: Hey, don’t look so happy about me ditching work!
Kazuya: *chuckles* but I’m really happy you are~~
Jin: What am I going to do with you? *chuckles along with Kazuya*
After they ate breakfast on the bed, they took a shower together after Jin insisting that he can’t leave Kazuya alone. Kazuya tried so many times to seduce Jin, but all his tries failed and Jin spanked him on his ass telling him that they won’t be having sex for couple of days. Kazuya gasped from the decision.
Kazuya: You can’t decide on this without me!
Jin: I’m doing it for your own health! You need to rest and sex is included in the exhaustion list!
Kazuya: *pouts* but didn’t do anything yesterday!
Jin: And whose fault is that?
Kazuya: That’s why I’m going to make it up to you!
Jin: No thank you! I assure you I will however make you make it up to me after you have enough rest!
Jin: Not buts! Now move your ass to the bedroom!
Jin forced Kazuya to go back to sleep assuring him that he won’t leave him. Jin was staring at Kazuya’s sleeping face worried about his younger boyfriend facial expression. It seems that Kazuya was having a nightmare; therefore, Jin tightened his arms around Kazuya taking him in his chest wrapping him securely. He sighed in relief after seeing Kazuya peaceful face again. Soon, Jin followed his boyfriend and slept as well.
Jin called his work asking them for a vacation for a week faking sickness. Kazuya and Jin spent 5 days together doing nothing but laying around in their apartment and enjoying their time together. Jin had to break his resolve when Kazuya kept seducing him endlessly, but they didn’t go all the way. Jin would please Kazuya and make him come while touching himself or touching their lengths together till they see white, then stop at that point no matter how many times Kazuya protested. But deep down, Kazuya liked to be treated delicately in that way like if he’s something that’s going to be broken if touched in the wrong way. It was funny, but sweet and Kazuya was amused all the time trying his best to tease Jin and seduce him. It reminded him of their old days when he was trying to seduce Jin in sleeping with him and not treat him like a kid.
In the sixth day, Jin had a serious talk with Kazuya about something that made Kazuya snap like usual. He mentioned their family and that was a taboo word for Kazuya.
Kazuya: Didn’t you say you won’t mention them again!!!
Jin: But Kazu, this time it’s different!
Kazuya: What‘s the difference?
Jin: We need your papers! I never thought about it previously because we never stayed anywhere else except in this apartment. But Kazu, we really need your paper…What if you got sick again?
Kazuya: I will take care of myself Jin! I’m eating, aren’t I?
Jin: What about when I go back to work?
Jin: No Kazu, everything is perfect when we are together, but once we’re not…..things are very bad….you don’t eat….you obviously don’t sleep….you simply do nothing except house chores and that’s it!
Kazuya: You think it’s something I can control? It just happens…I—I
Jin: Listen babe, I know you will be back to not eating once I get to work and you’ll sweet talk me into ignoring it later on..
Jin: No Kazuya! I mean it! We really need your papers! You can go out and even get a part time job….You will have a life other than staring in the ceiling and walls.
Kazuya: And how are you planning on getting them?
Jin: We’re going to your parents!
Kazuya: *stands up* NO WAY!
Jin: Kazu pl—
Kazuya: I’m not going! You’re not going either!!! They are bunch of liars manipulative people who will try everything they can to separate us!!
Jin: We’ll be together and there is no way they can do that again!
Kazuya: No means NO Jin!! I’m not going!!
Jin: Fine, I’ll go alone then!
Kazuya: *snaps* WHAT?!!
Jin: If you don’t want to go with me, then I’ll be going alone!
Kazuya: I don’t need those damned papers!! You’re not allowed to go either!!
Jin: That’s my choice Kazu, not yours! *stands up and head toward the bedroom*
Kazuya: No Jin, it’s not! It’s my papers and cards, I don’t give a fuck about them; therefore, there is no need for you to go there!
Jin: *picking up his wallet and keys* you weren’t there when you were sick!! You didn’t feel like a hopeless useless boyfriend ok!!
Kazuya: Where are you going?
Jin: To buy us bus tickets!
Kazuya: I said we’re not going!
Jin: I’ll buy two in case you changed your mind!! *opens the apartment door*
Kazuya: *follows him to the elevator* No! Jin, please listen to me…
Jin: See ya later Kazu! *ride the elevator*
Kazuya: *punches the elevator door* FUCK!! *yells* Why the hell aren’t you listening to me??
~ After 1 hour~
Kazuya’s mobile phone vibrated indicating a new SMS which he received from Jin saying:
I bought us the tickets
The bus will leave after 2 hours!
Will you bring me my bag and make sure it has all my papers?
I’ll be waiting for you in the bus station at 5:30 pm!
I hope you will change your mind and go with me babe
Kazuya was very annoyed with the SMS. There is no way he’s going to go to his family and Jin knows that, but what upsets him is that Jin will go to his parents’ trap. Kazuya knows them very well and he knows that they will do anything to separate them. He was worried, upset, annoyed, and anxious and many other mixed feelings are making him confused not knowing what to do or what to decide. 1 hour and a half to think is not enough in his eyes.
~ Bus station, 5:40 pm~
Jin was getting worried that Kazuya won’t show up. He didn’t give a damn about his bag because he always could go and pick it up himself; however, he chose to use it as an excuse to get Kazuya to the bus station so that he might be able to pressure him on changing his mind and going with him. But it’s been 15 minutes and there is no trace for Kazuya. His heart clenched in pain thinking that Kazuya stood him up and won’t show up. But, once he saw his Kazu walking toward where he was standing, he beamed happily at him. He was incredibly happy that he saw him and walked immediately to him in a fast pace hugging him tightly.
Jin: God! I’m so happy you came!
Kazuya: *loved the warmth radiating from Jin’s body, but was still upset*I didn’t have any choice! You asked me to bring your bag, didn’t you?
Jin: But I was afraid you weren’t going to show up!
Kazuya: *pushing Jin lightly* I’m not going with you Jin!
Jin: C’mon Kazu, we’ll be together!
Kazuya: As if they are going to let us walk away together!
Jin: You don’t know that!! Maybe they changed their mind…Maybe they’re not as bad as you think they are!
Kazuya: *pushes Jin’s bag to Jin’s chest* just go Jin! If you want to leave me that badly, just go!
Jin: *shocked* what?!!
Kazuya: You’re practically leaving me once you step a foot in that bus!
Jin: Who the hell do you think I’m doing this for??
Kazuya: *annoyed* did I ask you to?? Did I ever complain about my papers to you?
Jin: Of course not because if this was the other way around, you would be doing the same!
Kazuya: Oh really!!?
Jin: Yeah Kazu…Because if I got sick and you weren’t able to at least get the hospital to check on me, you will be acting just like I am doing right now!
Kazuya: Thankfully, you have your papers!
Jin: But you don’t!!
Kazuya: I rather die Jin, than get those papers from those filthy bastards! So don’t even bother!
Jin: *angry* GOD!!! Are you listening to yourself?? If you don’t care about your life, I do!! Besides, those are your parents!
Kazuya: It’s up to me whether I hate them or not! My life isn’t enough for you to control, you want to control my feelings too??
Jin: God! You know what, suit yourself! I’m going anyway! *turns around*
Kazuya: *yells* Fine! Go to them! Be my guest! But I won’t be here when you come back!
Jin: *shaking his head for Kazuya’s stubbornness* as if you can go anywhere without your papers and cards!
Kazuya: *very upset* FUCK YOU JIN!!
Jin: *turns back to look at Kazuya* what is wrong with you? I can’t mention our family to you! I can’t keep bothering you to eat! I can’t keep bothering about your life! I can’t go out without you acting like an abandoned puppy!
Kazuya: *feeling hurt* I CHANGED! That’s what happened! People change in months….so I’m ought to change after a year….but I guess you won’t know that since you slept soundlessly during that time!! *gasps noticing what he said* Jin…I didn’t mean th—
Jin: *hurt by Kazuya’s words* no, please do continue! I want to hear how you feel about me!
Kazuya: I’m sorry…I’m just tr—
Jin: Enough Kazu! I don’t want to fight with you and this isn’t even worth fighting for! God, why can’t you just understand how I feel?!!
Kazuya: Yeah…blame it on me Jin…I’m the heartless one who won’t understand….I’m the annoying one who keeps giving you trouble….if I’m bothering you that much, why don’t you just dump me?!!
Jin: *very annoyed* Where the hell do you bring those ideas from??
Kazuya: *tears falling* you think I don’t know how you feel….how do you think I feel when you keep comparing me to who I was?? Is the current me that awful?
Jin: *feeling bad seeing Kazuya’s tears* and who is the current you?? You don’t care about anything anymore including yourself….you don’t have any hobbies now…..you lost interest in everything you ever cared about…..you don’t even trust me thinking that I will leave you one day!!
Kazuya: And I was right! You are leaving me right now, aren’t you??!
Jin: *sighs while holding his face with both hands* how can I make you understand?!!
Kazuya: *tears falling more than before* I won’t understand Jin!! I’m scared!! You know how I…..I can’t be without you…..I’m afraid to stay alone…I’m afraid I’m going to lose you….
Jin: *going close to Kazuya* I know Kazu….that’s why I want us to go together babe!!
Kazuya: *pushes Jin away when he tries to hug him* you know I can’t go! I’m still wounded from them…you know how I can’t even stand the mention of their name….I can’t see them….I can’t!!
Jin: Then, what am I supposed to do? I can’t think of another solution Kazu!! You tell me! Do you have better plans?
Kazuya: You staying here is a great plan to me!
Jin: And who will bring us your papers and cards? Hah? Who will?
Kazuya: I don’t know! I don’t care about them Jin, just don’t go!
Jin: Sorry Kazu, but you yourself don’t know what’s best for you! *turns away and start to walk*
Jin: Take care of yourself Kazu till I come back!
Kazuya: Jin, please don’t go!
Jin: *turns around to face Kazuya* sorry babe, but I’m doing what I think is best!
Kazuya: *cries* Jin please…JIN!! *shakes his head* I guess they might be right about one thing…..maybe…maybe….we’re not meant to be! *sobs* goodbye Jin! *turns around closing on his mouth with one hand while Jin tears started to fall shocked from what Kazuya said*
Jin was deeply hurt to hear those words and didn’t know what to do. Somehow, there was this voice inside of his heart telling him to follow Kazuya and ignore this whole bullshit….but another voice coming from his head is telling him to ride the bus because this is for Kazuya….He felt pain clenching his heart threatening to eat him alive watching Kazuya’s back walking away from him and rewinding those hurtful words….how could Kazuya think that they weren’t meant to be? Didn’t they fight for their love and did everything they could to prove to their family that they were?? He looked back at the bus seeing that almost everyone is inside the bus already and looked back at Kazuya who is walking away without looking back at him…..He closed his eyes, confusion filled his heart and mind….He doesn’t know what to do anymore….
Kazuya was sobbing walking away not wanting to look back because he knew he would give in. He felt bad saying what his parents told him almost a year ago…He never believed that…..but lately, that phrase keeps ringing through his mind for some unknown reason creeping to his heart stabbing it and leaving scars behind……Because for a while, Kazuya did think so…..but that was long ago…..when he was almost giving up on having Jin back…..Kazuya could hear yells of his name and he knew that voice extremely well, but he thought his mind playing tricks on him, so he totally ignored it….he kept walking and sobbing when he noticed the voice coming closer to his ears, so he finally turned around to check and gasped when he saw Jin running to him….he started to smile although his tears are still falling…
Jin froze to his place once Kazuya turned around looking at him feeling pain and guilt for seeing the tears and the red eyes…He smiled to Kazuya once he saw his boyfriend smiling at him and continued to run toward him when everything went blank….
Kazuya opened his eyes in surprise, shock and disbelieve once he saw his boyfriend running frame flying in the air and crushing on the car that ran into him hitting the windows breaking them and ending up falling to the street…..His body had Goosebumps and his leg started to tremble so badly. Everything in him ran wild, his thoughts, his heart beats, his eyes, his whole body was screaming for Jin…..he could see blood….everywhere….on the car…on the streets….people gathering around the accident…..but he couldn’t move his body…..he didn’t believe this…..it must be another nightmare of his……it must be…..he was waiting to be awake by Jin……
Chapter12: Forever With You
I’m very sorry for posting this late...I guess by everything that happened around, I was out for a while not feeling like writing at all especially this fic since it’s angst….I thought of changing the story, but I decided to stick with the main storyline even if the events isn’t happy and satisfying…I hope you will enjoy reading this chapter, I literally cried while writing this because the mere imagination made me feel extremely bad….I think the next chapter will be the final one, but I didn’t start writing it yet. I will however start writing it tomorrow and post it before the weekend.
Comments are love~~